Generation rent: why I’ll never live in a soundproofed two-bed

This flat comes complete with an electronic gate to thwart party crashers channelling their inner frat boy

Until recently, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you much about my neighbours. In the block of flats I last lived in, any nuggets of information I had were pieced together from chance glimpses, or soundbites travelling through floorboards, walls, and windows kept open in the August heat.

I knew the flat downstairs were expecting a baby when I signed for their cot delivery, and judging by the explosive creaking that came through my ceiling at night, I figured the resident in the room above was either a fitful sleeper, an elephant, or a hostage trapped in a bag.

I never minded these moments – until you hear something you shouldn’t. There was no pillow thick enough to muffle the howling sounds of lovemaking/exorcism that arrived from next door at exactly the same time – after Sunday Politics, but before Formula One – each week. No one should know the schedule of a stranger’s orgasms.

This wouldn’t be a problem for the flatmates in this Victorian conversion of 11 apartments in Liverpool. A two-bed is on the market for £270,000 and comes complete with an electronic gate to thwart party crashers channelling their inner frat boy – not that it would matter given that each flat has soundproofed floors. A luxury perhaps, but if the neighbours will insist on raising the dead each night, what is a girl to do?